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Friday, October 17, 2008

The Hypnosis Weight Loss Seminar Should be Renamed

Forty people sat in hard chairs, listening to relaxing music and the commnading voice of the hypnotizer.

"You see yourself stepping on the scale and your ideal weight appears," he croons.

Instead, I visualize a lab report with my name on it. "Cholestrol, 130," And after the hypnosis, while we were all still fuzzy-headed, the hypnotizer intoned, "In order for your weight loss to be permanent, you must buy our super fiber supplement. (It cost $90 for a one-month supply.) "Over the next four months, you could loose fourteen pounds of undigested food from your colon." Hold onto your hats. He went on to tell us that his mother began taking it and she found undigested kernels of corn in her poop, and she hadn't eaten corn in over a year. Blech, blech, blech. Then there was a Q&A that lasted forty minutes where people shared intimate info about their bowels.

Maybe I'll just take the cholestrol-lowering drug my doctor recommended!

What would you rename the seminar? Poopnosis?

The best entry will win a pound of prunes.

2 comments:

Andrea said...

Oh, this is hysterical! Corn?!

I love prunes, actually, so here's my entry: sounds like there may have been some qauckery going on there...so how about renaming it 'CRAPery';)

I've heard that oatmeal and flax can reduce levels -- and at the health food store I recently found instant oatmeal with flax seeds.

ABOUT ME said...

Crapery, that is HILARIOUS!